Tag Archives: no drama

Society is sick, not me…

Whilst I support the idea of let’s talk about mental health, get it out in the open, not be afraid to admit our ‘problems’ I feel that this continuing trend  in what is, in fact, labelling people (or people labelling themselves) with anxiety, depression, OCD and any number of ‘disorders’, is dangerous.

I absolutely agree that it is important to not hide away, to pretend all is fine. It’s not ok to feel unable to voice our truth (important point: when I say our I mean absolutely everybody on this earth) when we are finding life difficult.

I know there have been people along the way that have found it difficult that I don’t actually label myself. I don’t label myself*. I don’t say I’m a depressive. I don’t say I have mental illness. This isn’t because I am ashamed. This doesn’t mean that the people who do get labelled/label themselves/say they are a depressive/have a whole host of other ‘mental illnesses/disorders’ are braver than me. Ironically, some of the people who don’t like that I don’t allow the labels for myself, have told me that they admire the fact that I stand up and say so when I think something is wrong rather than going with the crowd, and that they wish they could be like that.

I see being labelled as a negative. I am labelled. I can then be placed in a box and ‘helped’ by treatment (always medication but sometimes with other types of therapy) that apparently makes people with ‘mental health issues’ better.

What about this type of labelling, rather than labelling in a black and white way?  I am a positive person, I always respect and help other people, I do voluntary work as it seems natural to me. What about…. I create personal drawings, paintings, poems for my friends and family which bring smiles to their faces, I am prone to very positive periods in my life. How about a label for the times when I am just living quite simply, not doing very much? Am I labelled by any one of those things? NOPE!

Let’s take a different view that, actually, society is sick… not me. I think I maybe understand why some people take solace in labelling themselves with a ‘mental condition’. Perhaps they feel that if they know what’s wrong with them they can do something about it…yes, I get that. However, what I am asking is that those people don’t look at me as though I am in some sort of denial. I can, in fact, see very, very clearly. Sometimes too clearly, which is why I can find life in this society particularly difficult at times…increasingly more often. Don’t judge me. You who looks at me with your ‘depression’, anxiety’, etc are people just like me, who absolutely hate to be judged but have become judges yourselves.

So, I will NEVER be labelled or label myself. Being labelled is just like being in a box; it has it’s limits, it shuts you off, it can be dark and perhaps a bit boring? Many know, from experience of survival through difficult times, that it is easy and, to a certain degree helpful to build up an imaginary wall around ourselves to ‘protect’, to ‘be safe’. I see labelling as having another wall forced upon you. ‘Getting better’ is surely about unpicking, breaking down the walls around us in a safe way not adding another limiting wall/box (label) tightly around us.

That’s how I feel anyway. We all have different opinions and experiences. That is the point isn’t it…

*Just as an aside, I don’t label myself in any other part of my life either.


My friend and I ‘split up’ today

I’ve had a few break ups recently. One was with an ex boyfriend who finished with me by text over a year ago without an explanation. He popped up again and we talked face-to-face and we were both truthful and non judgemental and continued the breakup by email later that week. It was very sad but very real, vulnerable and full of mutual respect. I actually felt respected…that felt good even through the tears.

A friend and I split up today. We couldn’t agree. Sometimes this means the relationship has to change, sometimes it means that it ends. This one ended.

I have also felt like I am splitting up, quite slowly, over the years, from other people in my life too. It all feels ok at the moment. Sad but important. Moving forward not being stuck. Accepting what is.

This is how I feel in the present moment…

I’m learning a lot about people, relationships and friendships. How not all people are around always. How some people can come and go a lot quicker now I am older because, quite frankly, I have finally learnt that I do matter, and them leaving my life doesn’t have to be crazy, dramatic and full-on…it can be quite civil and caring. It doesn’t need to leave me feeling bereft and not good enough. Sometimes it’s with a sad goodbye and sometimes with a relieved ‘oh thank god for that’ but not in a nasty way, just in that taking care of myself way.

By being less of a sponge, by still caring for others but putting myself first a lot more, by not feeling the need to take on everybody’s ‘stuff’ I am opening the way for good and helpful and positive stuff in my life. I can feel it…there are no words for that. There will still be the bad stuff but I deal with it better now.

I have also learnt that I don’t have to open up and bare my soul to absolutely everyone….and sometimes it really is in my best interests to keep schtum sometimes.

This isn’t one of those times though. I hope….